21:45 Nov 09 2010
Times Read: 1,905
Been getting a lot of questions and “the look” from people who ask what pictures I have taken lately, been doing. You know “the look”. Like you have lost your mind, they just can’t understand you. “I have been in old abandoned buildings.” “What in the world for?” “Went to the old hospital and took pictures.” “Why? How is that interesting or pretty? That is just strange. What is wrong with you? ”
*shrugs*
I don’t know why I have been doing it. Well… that is a lie. See- the reason I love horror movies is not for the blood and guts. Trust me- in person I will throw up if I see a burn or a bleeding piece of human body. Hell- I was ready to hurl lunch when someone talks draining tube today. Human bodily functions and medical talk is in no way something I want to see or be around. I like horror for the creepy, scary me shitless feeling I get. Sitting on the couch or in the movie theater is my normal, too chicken to go any future into the darker places. Light on, doors locked, watching the suspense of what is hiding in the shadows. The creak of the floors and stairs, the closet door that opens, the basement… you know what I mean. It just makes my heart beat faster, feel more alive.
If you have seen the pictures of the old school I took pictures of- funny thing on that place. I have pasted, drove thru the place/town several times. When I was editing the photos and picking the ones to add to my port here I notice something. I had pictures already up of the building. Me standing outside, taking a picture of the wide open doorway, the metal ceiling light fixture hanging down as the area behind it turned dark as it went into the building. I remember taking that picture, thinking it was so spooky. I would not take that step into the building, into the unknown. I was afraid to leave the safety of the sunlight covered sidewalk. Would not step into the real life feelings of a horror movie, the girl stepping into the dark silent building as the music swells upward, the shadows moving.
So why now? Why am I stepping into the places that always frighten me before? Age. I am getting older and if I am ever going to do this- now is the time. And the death of my father taught me putting life off, “wishing I had..” and the “I should of ..” catch up with you sooner then you ever think possible. Dad’s death showed me I needed to live, to express myself, to embrace what I need in my life, what I wish to do. I need to look back many years from now and remember I did it because I was not afraid, that my “I wish I had…” on such simple things as going into creepy buildings is not what I regret not doing.
And when you are standing in these places, thinking of the history, the people the walls held… you face that in 50 years you will be nothing. I have no kids; I have nothing to leave behind. When I see a lace curtain, torn to pieces, hanging off a broken rod on a broken window, it makes me face what the world is about. And that I am a very small blimp in it. You can’t go into these places and not understand mortality is looming. And that makes me enjoy my life outside of those dark, stained, damaged walls.
So family and friends can keep giving me “the look.” They can talk all they want at how my photos have gone from pretty to “dirty old ugly places.” They don’t understand why I feel inside these places, how it brings a peace to me. It is like they talk to you- showing you that time does not stand still. Things that you own, the items in life you hold so dear means nothing. That one day it will all be gone, all the lights and people. It will just be you, and that which comes after.
And to me- that is not a bad place to visit before I make the final relocation.
COMMENTS
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fallenangel51
22:44 Nov 30 2010
I hate to see that sheet when I pass a wreck. I dont even know who it is but I still feel sad.